I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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