Have you finally orgasmed yet?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize