i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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