I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
