she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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