You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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