just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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