The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
