My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
