Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
