Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
