My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
