becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
