woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
