i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
