you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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