So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
