I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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