just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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