You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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