Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
