We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
