I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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