If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
