I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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