singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
