that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
