When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
