The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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