why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
