we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
