she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
