I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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