My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just tell him i said nine months
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
