Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
