from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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