The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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