So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
