saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
