She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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