Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
