Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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