sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
