i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
