God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
