things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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