I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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