Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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