New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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