just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
