no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
