My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
