it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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