White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
