Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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