listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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