he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
