Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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