there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
