Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
