I just cut my nipple shaving
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
