Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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