every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
