My friends, they love my intelligence
420 ftw
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
