12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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