sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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