I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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