im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
