moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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