I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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