I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
