did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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