I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
