Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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