margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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