i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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