Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
